It took me awhile to wonder what my purpose was in sharing my story and journey. Will it help people out there or even myself?
The answer is yes.
When I was down and out with loads of unknown questions, it was the rare few who shared their stories online that led me to the answers or understanding I had. It also gave me comfort to know that I wasn't alone and it guided me to a direction that brought me to where I was today. I appreciate what these women has shared and how some might not realised how hard it could be to tell the world what problems you had. Think about it. You may not even tell your closest friends or love ones certain truth or feelings that you're going through, not to mention to whoever maybe reading what you write online.
Before I start, do take my experience as a reference and if you do feel that there is a medical condition that requires attention - kindly seek professional advice from doctors or specialist. I do believe that Google can share many information but it's also important to seek second or third opinions as well.
I did not hesitate to start a family after marriage as we were in a very steady relationship and having a child was a matter of time. At that time I was 29 years old and an age that has long overshot my childhood dream to be a mum. Doctors always advice that fertility drops with age as well. Personally I do believe it to a certain extend.
The first time I got a positive on a test kit was almost instantaneous during the trip on our honeymoon. A digital test kit was used and the positive showed without a doubt. 2 days later I woke up with terrible cramps and bleeding that I knew was not normal if I were to be pregnant. Off to the ER where I was tested for pregnancy but was later told that I wasn't and all I was experiencing was abnormal bleeding. The diagnose was unreal to me as I did not experience terrible PMS (almost ever) and the cramps were one of the worse I had since I was a teenager. Doctors shrugged it off as a faulty test kit.
I kept that experience in mind and decided to move on with my life. Slightly disappointed, yes but I was still positive that one day it would happen. It also helped that my hubby took great care of me and fed me fabulous food on the trip.
Soon we started trying again and I got a positive once again. I was extremely surprised at how easily it happened as I was prepared to wait for months or a year on average for most couples. That time an OBGYN confirmed the pregnancy and did a scan at week 4/5. At week 6, the unthinkable happened. He informed me that the sac didn't seem to be growing and a blood test was done for my HCG levels. Results showed that the numbers didn't match up with the growth and spotting soon followed. It was the first time a miscarriage felt real and I was given a choice to let it naturally happen or a D&C. I chose to go through with the D&C as I didn't want to be emotionally burdened by the process of going through it naturally. My OBGYN was also reassuring that the procedure would not be as damaging as how it was done in the past.
I did a mini confinement for 2 weeks to bring myself back to health and with my supportive husband, emotionally I recovered well.
The doctor advised to rest well for a few months before trying again and so we did. On our second attempt, it happened so quickly that I wondered if it was a miracle. We were back in the doctor's office once again and we had a slight glimmer of hope when the growth went well till it hit week 7. The dreaded news happened again and I was going through yet another early miscarriage. HCG levels didn't match up again and yet another D&C was done. The doctor did a test on the fetus and everything seemed fine. He thought it may just be a matter of bad luck but suggested that I could go for further checks at the hospital but mostly these checks were only carried out after 3 counts of miscarriages.
After some rest, I visited a "famous" TCM doctor who has helped many infertile couples over the years. She gave me herbs to brew and encouraged that I tried again as she didn't find me physically unfit. I brewed the herbs religiously and took on her advice to try.
My determination was strong and I was not going to let what happened before discourage me from my goals. Perhaps with the help of Chinese medicine, things would be better.
To be continued ...